A Complaint to Miss Sakura Haruno
by ritsu.sohma.rox.my.sox
Summary: a humorous complaint letter to sakura haruno, generated by /complaint. just to see how it worked out, and guess what? it did! read if u dislike sakura haruno immensely.


Dear Readers,

Allow me the honor of giving you a brief lesson in Miss Sakura Haruno's many mendacious attributes. In the text that follows, I don't intend to recount all of the damage caused by Miss Haruno's pea-brained precepts but I do want to point out that I and Miss Haruno part company when it comes to the issue of faddism. She feels that she values our perspectives while I allege that she and I disagree about our civic duties. I think that we must do our utmost to move as expeditiously as possible to dole out acerbic criticism of Miss Haruno and her phalanx of surly operatives. Miss Haruno, on the other hand, believes that she was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires.

While it is not my purpose to incriminate or exculpate or vindicate or castigate, I have begged Miss Haruno's backers to step forth and denounce those who claim that shiftless propagandists make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Miss Haruno might retaliate? You know the answer, don't you? You probably also know that Miss Haruno should try being a little more open-minded. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. Some would say that this is a platitude. Would that it were! Rather, the next time she decides to evoke a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances, she should think to herself, _cui bono?_—who benefits?

Miss Haruno is out of control, like a runaway freight train. But there's the rub; if we look beyond Miss Haruno's delusions of grandeur, we see that if Fate desired that she make a correct application of what she had read about vigilantism it would have to indicate title and page number since the jealous pipsqueak would otherwise never in all her life find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, she would not hesitate to delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to use terms of opprobrium such as "batty dunces" and "pouty Neanderthals" to castigate whomever she opposes if she felt she could benefit from doing so.

So don't tell me that Miss Haruno holds herself to low standards just because her apologias fail to convince me that it is not only acceptable but indeed desirable to hasten society's quiescence to moral pluralism and epistemological uncertainty. I don't know what sort of abuse she was subjected to as a child that made her such an amateurish bureaucrat but I do know that Miss Haruno likes to cite poll results that "prove" that she is entitled to scrap the notion of national sovereignty. Really? Have you ever been contacted by one of her pollsters? Chances are good that you never have been contacted and never will be. Otherwise, the polls would show that my love for people necessitates that I convince the government to clamp down hard on Miss Haruno's rantings. Yes, I face opposition from Miss Haruno. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder.

If Miss Haruno had two brain cells to rub together, she'd realize that she likes to compare her proposed social programs to those that shaped this nation. The comparison, however, doesn't hold up beyond some uselessly broad, superficial similarities that are so vague and pointless, it's not even worth summarizing them. It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that like a verbal magician, she knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. Even without the officious ideology of hooliganism in the picture, we can still say that Miss Haruno wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's _Through the Looking Glass_, who strives to believe "as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that the last time I told Miss Haruno's thralls that I want to raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding Miss Haruno's snappish perceptions they declared in response, "But once Miss Haruno has approved of something it can't possibly be unpatriotic." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant.

If a new Dark Age is about to descend upon us—as many believe it will—it will be the result of Miss Haruno's wheelings and dealings. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that she does not play nice with others? To ask that question another way, does she enjoy the dubious cachet of being the world's most obnoxious, prudish tightwad? As you no doubt realize, that's a particularly timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago I heard someone express the opinion that I want to thank Miss Haruno for her rejoinders. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how resentful Miss Haruno can be.

Miss Haruno's representatives claim to have no choice but to replace our natural soul with an artificial one. I wish there were some way to help these miserable, subhuman roustabouts. They are outcasts, lost in a world they didn't make and don't understand. Miss Haruno is entirely unperturbed by hidebound grafters causing riots in the streets. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation.

Given Miss Haruno's record of shady dealings, we can say that I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing her of planning to unleash an unparalleled wave of jujuism. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that if she wants to complain, she should have an argument. She shouldn't just throw out the word "interchangeableness", for example, and expect us to be scared.

Miss Haruno's opinion is that without her superior guidance, we will go nowhere. Of course, opinions are like sphincters: we all have them. So let me tell you my opinion. My opinion is that when Miss Haruno was first found trying to treat people's _bona fide_ personal devastation as bathos, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Miss Haruno is planning to contravene decency, I'm terrified.

Just don't expect consistency from a woman who is thoroughly and definitely frowzy. Many people lie. However, Miss Haruno lies with such ease it's troubling. Due to the power relationship between the dominator and the dominated, I want to bring important information about her blockish musings into the limelight. That may seem simple enough, but her cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good. In closing, we must do everything in our power to look at our situation realistically and from a viewpoint that takes in the whole picture. The fight must go on.

Love,

..sox

(P.S. All text produced by .org/complaint)


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